I’ll Be You

In 1989, the Replacements released a song with the lyrics, “You be me for a while, and I’ll be you.” Those words got me to ponder what it’d be like to temporarily be someone else? Being Hollywood’s most successful actor sound like a winner? Or how about becoming a gold medaled, Olympic-athlete? Maybe being royal would satisfy a fantastical life experience for some. I’d personally like to experience being Reese Witherspoon for a day due to her accomplishments: actor, author, and producer. She’s got a book tour, she’s beautiful and rich, however, I digress.

Contrarily, what if you were to swap lives with someone of a different gender, religion, or ethnicity? What about being a kid again and letting your kid be the grownup like in the movie “Freaky Friday?” Not quite as enticing is it? But it seems we may need to do just that to entertain being empathetic and potentially budge from our own rigid opinions.

It dawned on me this morning when I was getting ready for work the shirt I put on was a jewel-toned blue. I had scored a silk shirt of a favorite designer with tags on (!) from eBay. Strangely, the seller advertised it as purple. I realized the metaphor in that moment that each person sees things differently.

We each “see” based on our DNA, personal history, value system, and circumstances. Each of our views is limited in scope based on our location, both physically and mentally. It’s one of the reasons there are many referees on the field in college football. There is so much to see that it is impossible to assess from only one viewpoint. Watching games, we think we know what’s happened but after review, the head ref might change the call. It’s because he gets additional input from others on the field (and a camera or two). In that same vein, what if we attempted to understand others by taking in many different viewpoints before coming to our own opinions? Maybe we’d recognize we all want the same things and aren’t so different regardless our ethnicity, political beliefs, gender, or religion? Perhaps there would be less distrust and anger between us? It seems like a possible solution to all the polarization worldwide and even in my own home.

Normal Is Just A Setting On A Dryer

person-looking-searching-clean — Photo by Gratisography on Pexels.com

I never could figure out what category to put our family in to be able to assess if I was “doing it right.” Should we go in the higher order multiples group (fancy term for triplets or more) or a regular, 4 children family, or the identical (“freak of nature”) and therefore, not assessable category? I mean, I had to find that template or else all would be a loss.

As I knew it, everything I undertook, had to have a measurable outcome and THEN I would know if I was doing a good job or not. This uncharted territory gave me hives. Who had a 20 month old, natural identical boys and 3 preemies 10 weeks early on all kinds of monitors? I didn’t know WHAT I was doing and therefore did what came oh so naturally but self-destructive….I compared myself to others. That easy road was open, wide and welcoming, at first. It seemed harmless enough until I realized I wasn’t fitting into “the norm” that others seemed to be. No one could relate. Nobody at the Multiples Group, nobody at preschool, and no one anywhere as far as I could find. I searched everywhere. I read books. I attended workshops by renowned authors, so called “parenting experts.” I asked all the doctors, nurses, and clergy I could about everything. I wrote letters to authors whose books were about parenting (one author was unfortunately deceased and couldn’t answer my maniacal questions). I was a control freak freaking out that I didn’t know how to handle all of it. I had no idea I was adding insult to injury and trying to complete the impossible. I was like a barefooted hiker trying to summit a mountain in -5 degrees with no experience or supplies. It hadn’t dawned on me yet that maybe NOT knowing was good for me, that maybe my fear of failure and lack of understanding would actually draw me closer to my Creator. I had no idea that normal doesn’t even exist! I later joined a Bible Study and heard the saying that “Normal Is Just A Setting On a Dryer.” That has been my motto ever since. There. Is. No. Normal. We are all just here for a while working out this experience called life and trying to make the best of it. That’s all.