Howie Mandel had it right when he said, “ADD, ADHD, OCD…I wanna buy another vowel!” He was referring to the multiple diagnoses he had been given.
School-aged children tend to be stuck with the most vowels. Once they start school, their obvious differences in learning, self-regulating and temperament begin to emerge. Of course, when you put 25 children with one teacher in one room, there will be issues. Asking tiny people to be still and be quiet can be like asking social media users to post only kind remarks. It’s the impossible, yet we continue with this style of teaching, continuing to force squares into circles.
When a child’s behavior stands out exponentially is when the real fun begins. From the notes sent home, to the red marks on their schoolwork, to the teacher’s conferences (I must hold the world record for those), the message sent is “something is wrong with so and so and needs to be corrected.” My heart aches for children in that predicament. When possible, changing the environment, trying different schooling options is a luxury. More often than not, the parent is forced to send their child to a losing environment.
I’m guilty myself. By God’s good grace, my children got through it. It was ugly at times and painful at others but they did it. In hindsight, I recognize I nearly lost my mind obsessing over their behavior, grades and if their teachers liked them and what their diagnoses were. To medicate or not, switch schools (but to which and what kind?), and find therapies to correct our issues, were all consuming. After many MD appointments, we finally found a local specialist and he helped tremendously. However, it wasn’t a cure-all but another tool instead.
What truly mattered was how they, individually, developed as human beings, not if their teachers liked them (a few did), if they could read on time (a few did) and what diagnoses they had. Hilariously, I got the vowels myself seeking their’s! My point is that it’s great to decipher what issues are at hand, but not to get bogged down with them.
The point is to help your child navigate the process of growing up into a productive, self-regulating, caring adult. The world overall won’t accommodate because of a diagnosis. He or she will still have to perform and be expected to conform to the world around them. Focusing more on their positive nurturement is much more helpful. I wish I had done that instead of trying to “fix” them.
Once hyperactivity and impulsiveness were identified, I read every book available (not many back then) and made appointments with every expert I could find. I even flew to New York City and paid $400/hr to talk to the author of the only book I could find on the subject. For that costly hour, the doctor didn’t give me the secret tools of success or the magical cure, he simply spent the hour telling me to take care of myself first, as their caregiver, and to love and praise them! That was it! My $6.67 per minute consultation was spent learning self care and to cheerlead my brood. I was sure he’d give me something tangible and he did, he gave me a book about people who turned out famous with, and despite, their ADHD.
You can wear yourself out procuring knowledge on learning disabilities and the like. I did. But I’d suggest perceiving treatment as a tool or partnership, a more light handed approach. In the end, it’s most important they feel loved, supported and cared about. In the end, isn’t that what everyone wants?
Texting has become a very prolific, convenient method to communicate in modern society. It’s ease of use has nearly allowed it to eradicate entering a number to have a person to person, real time conversation. You can even record messages to someone. Notice only the “to” someone- there is no reciprocation. I have succumbed to the text pandemic myself. It’s ease allows me to send information without having to stop whatever I am doing and not get bogged down in a long conversation that may or may not be convenient. It’s become so prevalent that I wonder if people realize its abuse? It’s not that people do it on purpose, but it’s a very lazy way to make your presence known without actually having to do anything. If it’s conveying an address, number, or contact, texting is miraculous. But if you are reaching out to someone regarding a major crisis, don’t text, call! Just pick up your phone and make the phone call. People are bombarded during a crisis and the myriad of questions and condolences are exhausting over text. If you are a close friend or family, here’s a fair warning- don’t text first time. Call or show up. Your friend or family needs help and may not have the time, energy or wherewithal to return your text. It also shows you are too busy in your life to actually be inconvenienced to do anything. Words really are very cheap when pain is involved. I recently had a loved one hospitalized and we had complications that required long travel for medical care and subsequent hospitalizations. The daily text of prayers and questions were kind, yes, but just another “to do” for the caregiver. It’s nice, but empty. Love really is action. I do believe prayers are powerful, but you don’t have to detail that to the caregiver, “just do it” as Nike says.
Our family has an unusual affinity for rescuing animals. Most people think of an animal shelter where one goes and picks from an array of cats and dogs when they say “rescue animal.” Or the melodramatic commercials asking you to donate the price of your daily coffee to the pitiful, sympathy- inducing picture of a dog in a cage. None of that applies to us. My family likes to take home anything it happens upon. For instance, today, my son was working for an outdoor management company and caught a baby raccoon. Soon my phone was blowing up with calls and pics of the little black fur-ball. I had to admit, it surely was a cute sight, but over the years, my rationale has won out. I started visualizing a 30 pound raccoon pilfering through our kitchen at night and scratching up our tiny dogs. No raccoon moving in….
Fourundertwo 